my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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