i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
