just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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