I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
