maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
