Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
