it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
