why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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