he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
