She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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