Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
