$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
please don't ironically join a cult
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