Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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