youre lurking in front of me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
