im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
