you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
