whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
