just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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