We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
