I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
