Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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