You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
