eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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