turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
