we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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