just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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