the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
