Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
