The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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