I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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