so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
