I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
