dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
