I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
