I wanna passion pit in your ass
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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