you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
