I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
