why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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