Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
