tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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