I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
