did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
