white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
