He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
