i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
