Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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