What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
