why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
