I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
