2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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