What a fucking waste of an outfit
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
