The best revenge is premature balding
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
