There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
