Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
